Gorilla Escapes Netherlands Zoo

Gorilla goes on Dutch zoo rampage [article via news.bbc.co.uk]

Ahh Amsterdam. Land of free drug usage...

[Amsterdam Zoo. Thirty minutes before gorilla escape.]

Bjorn: Oh man I'm soo high right now man. Why-- haha-- why, what are you doing with my shroom stash man?
Peter: Hahahaha, dude I spilled it. Sorry, haha, I mean sorry I spilled it. It's all in the pink popcorn machine.
Bjorn: ...
Peter: ...
Bjorn: Psshhhh-hahahahaha! Fuck man that's like two pounds of shrooms! Haha, no wait this is bad. This is really bad man. Oh shit we're fucking up man.
Peter: Dude chill. Help me mix it in. Nobody's gonna notice.

[Ten minutes before gorilla escape]

Marcus: Man you have no idea how it feels to be a brotha in Amsterdam. People just treat you like you're any other person. This has been a good trip John, thanks.
John: Glad you're having a good time. It's good to get out of the states every once in a while, huh? Let's hit the zoo food court. They're famous for their pink popcorn here.

[Two minutes before gorilla escape]

Manager: Hey, you two numbnuts! I got fifth graders out in the food court talking about bleeding walls and their parents aint doin much better. You know anything about this?
Peter: Oh shit..

[30 seconds before gorilla escape]

John: Dude, I'm feeling woozy.
Marcus: Haha, you don't think the two bricks of pink popcorn did it do you? Let's hit the head buddy.
John: Haha, maybe you're right. You still shoulda had some. Let's get out of-- what the hell??
Marcus: What, man?
John: You're... you're changing.
Marcus: Haha, oh man. I think I'm beginning to understand why the popcorn's so goo--
John: You're changing! Get away from me!
Marcus: Calm down man, what are you talking about?
John: [Pointing at Marcus] Gorilla!
Marcus: John--
John: Gorilla, Gorilla, GORILLLA!!!
Random mom: Gorilla! There's a gorilla on the loose!
[Mass hallucination and panic sets in]
Marcus: [Climbs onto a table] There's no gorilla! My friend John is just having a bad trip! Everyone please! Please calm down!
Child: There he is! He's climbing on the tables, mommy!
Mom: Gorilla!
Offduty zookeeper: But how did he swim the moat?
Marcus: Wha? I do know how to swim motherfu--
Offduty zookeeper: Don't worry people, I've got my tranquelizer gun with me! Everyone evacuate now!

[12 hours after "gorilla" escape]

Administrator: We're really really sorry about this Mr. Williams.
Marcus: This is some bullshit, man. This is some bullshit. I woke up next to a goddamned ape in a goddamned monkey tank! What the fuck??
Administrator: We're prepared to take all necessary steps to resolve the matter... You have to admit, though, it's quite an unbelievable story.
Marcus: You're telling me?? How does a whole food court mistake a guy for an ape!
Administrator: Actually I was referring to the part where you claimed to be able to swim. Pret-ty unbelievable.