Osama Bin Laden is in Orange County

Ill-informed Fox anchors spread fears of al Qaeda link to California fires [article via rawstory.com]

Sure, it wasn't Al Qaeda. It was a natural event. Which proves my point that it's time for Mother Nature to pick a side. She's either with us or against us on this one [adjusts American Flag lapel pin]. She has repeatedly brought terror into American homes, which constitutes a direct attack on our freedoms and democratic way of life. Recent intelligence reports definitively connect Iran's political elite with Nature. President Ahmadinejad himself is believed to employ Oxygen, one of the key figures in the the Southern California fires. The CIA has provided us with satellite photographs which clearly show trees growing in and around Iran's capital city, Tehran. My fellow Americans, Iran is harboring Mother Nature, and as such presents a serious and immediate threat to our nation's security. Now let's go get that oil.

Ha! It's like a funny-cuz-it's-relevant-but

-please-don't-write-more-than-two-paragraphs Onion article!

Do your part to support the music industry

My theory on this is, quite conveniently for me, that poor people make better music. Some people (me) might even say that through my greedy immoral stealing of music from record companies, I am in fact doing a service for the artform. I know, I should be commended right?

I am making the same philanthropic efforts in the television and movie industries as well. Yeah, and definitely porn. I'm like the Mother Teresa of porn stealers.

So do your part to make the world a better place, and download an mp3 off the interweb today!