Ahaha, nice. Let's see here... animals + humans + humor = time to channel David Sedaris.
Maury: Do you believe in God?
Brutus: Please. Not this conversation again. Anything else.
Maury: Ok. So what's your favorite color?
Brutus: Bears can't see color asshole.
Maury: Then what's your favorite shade of gray?
Brutus: You know I hate you right Maury?
Maury: I know that sometimes you're a wittle grumpy wumpums.
Brutus: No. I really hate you Maury. I do. And I hate being here with you. And I hate this fucking place and these goddamn humans.
Maury: That's not nice Brutus. You know, you could try to be a little nicer to me.
Brutus: These fucking humans with their cameras and their pathetic little frail bodies. I'd love to have just a few minutes with one of those assholes.
Maury: You're always mean to me Brutus and it really hurts my feelings. None of the other bears will even talk to me. They all say I'm queer and won't talk to me.
Brutus: One of these little pieces of shit holding his big fucking gun got my mom. She took twelve rounds of buckshot protecting us cubs before she went down. Went down fighting too. Two of us died before the rest got picked up by the zoo.
Maury: I really care about you Brutus. You're my best friend. Do you care about me too?
Brutus: You're a fucking fag Maury. Get away from me.
Maury: Brutus? You don't mean that. Don't leave. You, you didn't mean that. Please come back. Please... [Guy jumps into the cage. Hits Maury in the leg.]
Maury: What-- how'd you get in here? You gotta leave! You gotta leave now or the other bears they'll-- they'll kill you!
Human: Come on and fight me bear!
Maury: Are you crazy!? You gotta get outta here!
Human: What are you scared of bear? Fight me! What are you, a FAG!?
Maury: No.
Human: FAG!
Maury: Stop hitting me.
Human: Fight me FAG!
Maury: Don't call me that Brutus! Stop calling me a fag Brutus! I hate you Brutus I hate you! Oh God I hate you so mu-- AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!
[a year later]
Brutus: And then my buddy Maury here roars like he's a fucking volcano on steroids...
Other bear 1: Like fucking Hiroshima!
Brutus: ... grabs the fucking guy by his throat and shakes him like a rag doll [Pats Maury on the back] ...
Other bear 2: Shook him good didn't he?
Brutus: ... throws the fucking guy down and I swear to God, he licks his lips and smiles. I didn't even know bears could fucking smile, hahahaha!
Maury: What can I say? These fucking humans need to know their place, right? We bears gotta show them where they stand on the fucking totem pole every once in a while.
Other bear 2: Fuckin-A right man. Fuckin-A right.
Brutus: Please. Not this conversation again. Anything else.
Maury: Ok. So what's your favorite color?
Brutus: Bears can't see color asshole.
Maury: Then what's your favorite shade of gray?
Brutus: You know I hate you right Maury?
Maury: I know that sometimes you're a wittle grumpy wumpums.
Brutus: No. I really hate you Maury. I do. And I hate being here with you. And I hate this fucking place and these goddamn humans.
Maury: That's not nice Brutus. You know, you could try to be a little nicer to me.
Brutus: These fucking humans with their cameras and their pathetic little frail bodies. I'd love to have just a few minutes with one of those assholes.
Maury: You're always mean to me Brutus and it really hurts my feelings. None of the other bears will even talk to me. They all say I'm queer and won't talk to me.
Brutus: One of these little pieces of shit holding his big fucking gun got my mom. She took twelve rounds of buckshot protecting us cubs before she went down. Went down fighting too. Two of us died before the rest got picked up by the zoo.
Maury: I really care about you Brutus. You're my best friend. Do you care about me too?
Brutus: You're a fucking fag Maury. Get away from me.
Maury: Brutus? You don't mean that. Don't leave. You, you didn't mean that. Please come back. Please... [Guy jumps into the cage. Hits Maury in the leg.]
Maury: What-- how'd you get in here? You gotta leave! You gotta leave now or the other bears they'll-- they'll kill you!
Human: Come on and fight me bear!
Maury: Are you crazy!? You gotta get outta here!
Human: What are you scared of bear? Fight me! What are you, a FAG!?
Maury: No.
Human: FAG!
Maury: Stop hitting me.
Human: Fight me FAG!
Maury: Don't call me that Brutus! Stop calling me a fag Brutus! I hate you Brutus I hate you! Oh God I hate you so mu-- AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!
[a year later]
Brutus: And then my buddy Maury here roars like he's a fucking volcano on steroids...
Other bear 1: Like fucking Hiroshima!
Brutus: ... grabs the fucking guy by his throat and shakes him like a rag doll [Pats Maury on the back] ...
Other bear 2: Shook him good didn't he?
Brutus: ... throws the fucking guy down and I swear to God, he licks his lips and smiles. I didn't even know bears could fucking smile, hahahaha!
Maury: What can I say? These fucking humans need to know their place, right? We bears gotta show them where they stand on the fucking totem pole every once in a while.
Other bear 2: Fuckin-A right man. Fuckin-A right.
