Self Defense Video

Ok guys,

Remember when you were a kid and you saw the Ninja Turtles movie and you got home and you were full of all this clumsy energy that made you just want to kick things and make sound effects with your spittly mouth and then you realized the greatest thing: I should come up with my own fight moves! And then you started doing some ridiculous moves in your parents' bedroom mirror (which you accidentally kicked a few times, no cracks though). And for some reason most of your moves involved sliding around in your socks on the kitchen floor, the utter inconvenience of which didn't bother you in the least. And you probably made a costume which was almost necessarily accessorized with a headband due to the fact that one of the most influential films in your short, immature, and painfully under-cultured life was The Karate Kid. And then you probably even made some weapons with a broom handle, and a butter knife, and lots of scotch tape because your dad hid the duct tape because when you were four you "fucked up the goddamn cat so bad she had to get 'youth-a-nized'" whatever the heck that means. That's a hecka big word. So yeah, you've got some sweet moves, a costume, and weapons and you're like "holy shit I just came up with my own martial art!" and you give it a Chinese-sounding name because you haven't quite grasped what is and is not racially offensive yet.

Remember that? Then remember when you GREW UP? Yeah, these guys never did. You're gonna want to thank me for this video so you're welcome in advance.

Self Defense Dorks